Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
