I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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