Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
