happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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