I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
