Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
