can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
