I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
