You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
