Do you still have your period?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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