Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
