my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I would ride that face into the sunset
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
