If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
