MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
