he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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