If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
