the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
