The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
