You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
