Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
