and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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