birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
