Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
