ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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