apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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