Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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