He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
