It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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