Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
