billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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