We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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