Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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