My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
