She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
