Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
