Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
