Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
