On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
