Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
