I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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