I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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