$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
