The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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