have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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