He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
