It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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