i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
