I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
