We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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