Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
