That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
