Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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