I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
