When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
