is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
